Honoring Boundaries This Holiday Season!

The holidays often bring connection, celebration, and warmth but they can also cause stress, trigger negative memories, and emotional overwhelm. For many people healing from their trauma, this season can feel like it is full of tension and potential triggers. That’s why December is the perfect time to focus on boundaries with our loved ones. Boundaries are the limits that can help us stay grounded, safe, and true to ourselves.

What Boundaries Really Are

In navigating trauma, boundaries are not selfish-they are essential to our functioning and essential for staying grounded. They are the guidelines we set to protect our emotional, physical, and mental clarity. Boundaries help us:

• Communicate our needs more clearly

• Prevent overwhelm or burnout

• Maintain healthier relationships

• Stay connected to our bodies and values

 Why Boundaries Feel Tough During the Holidays

This season can cause old memories, expectations, pressures or patterns with our loved ones to resurface. Schedules fill quickly, emotions run high, and it can be easy to slip into people-pleasing or saying “yes” automatically for the sake of having a good holiday. If you notice tension, shame, or guilt around boundary-setting, that is a very normal trauma response. Your brain is reacting normally for what it is used to. 

Three Supportive Boundary Practices for December!

1. Slow down and take your time before responding.  A short pause allows you to check in with your body. Does this invitation feel energizing or draining? How do I really want to respond? Your body often signals what you need.

2. Use brief, and compassionate language. Boundaries don’t have to be harsh. Try these phrases:

“I’m choosing a quieter holiday this year.”

“I can attend the event, and I can only attend for an hour this year” 

“I’m not open to discussing that topic today.”

3. Give yourself permission to rest.  Rest is also a form of a boundary.

If you are fatigued, overwhelmed, or overstimulated, taking a few steps back is a healthy choice that helps us stay grounded. 

If Guilt arises: 

Many who experience trauma are taught that their needs come second. Boundary guilt is one that commonly shows up for people in trauma recovery, but it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It means you’re practicing a new skill and learning new insights that society is still getting used to. 

Keep in mind, you’re allowed to take up space.  You have permission to choose what feels safe and healthy for you. 

A Gentle Reminder:

You don’t have to participate in every social event or gathering, have the answer to every difficult question, or to stay longer than your nervous system can afford to. Small boundaries create a large safe space. 

 Wishing you a warm December full of self-compassion! 

Marisa Edmonston, MA, T-LAC